Slowly but surely

Fourth day today. There was a typhoon for the past 2 days here in Manila so it was quite difficult to jog around and work some sweat out of me.

I was thinking if I should enroll at a local gym again, but I don't know. I just want to go back to kickboxing. Or maybe swimming. I wish I could transfer our swimming pool here instead of letting it gather mold and mildew back in the province. Actually, I wish I could transport myself to the province and spend a summer's worth of days there just letting time pass by as slow as it does when you're living in a big house with lots of trees, in the middle of a rice field, neighboring mountains.

I'm aware of it (and I think this makes me a tad bit more irked of myself) but I'm really not using the most of the time I'm given lately -time I'm given to work, time I'm given to sleep, time I'm given to maybe insert a workout, time to do some writing, and time to just do nothing. I really feel like I'm taking all this God-given time for granted. I tend to let loose of my focus too easily that only when under immense pressure am I able to put everything back into perspective again.

Work may get suspended, but deadlines don't. Yesterday I had 3 deadlines. My laptop was almost dying with only less than 50% of battery life, and we had no electricity all day. I was just chilling out, indulging in the cold winds and enjoying the safety I was experiencing under the roof of our humble home...

I slept half the day. I started working late in the afternoon. Equipped with the pressure of having only less than 2 hours on my laptop and very limited internet connectivity, I fixed the clutter in my head and took on each item one bullet of an idea at a time until I got to finish the whole thing, in approximately 1 hour and 10 minutes. I got to finish my 3 deadlines, plus a new one that was recently emailed to me when I was about to send my first 3.

Mission Accomplished. And all I needed was less than 2 hours on my laptop to finish everything.

I guess when you know you have less time to do what you have to do, your mind and body just completely realigns itself and you just know that you won't back down unless you've accomplished your goals.

I have 3 months to change the rest of my life.
(WEH)
But seriously. I really gotta get this stuck in my head everytime so I won't take the time I've been given for granted anymore.

I can't afford to. (gotta remind myself of this, too.)

Nike

Just do it. 

Today, I just did. In spite of the fact that I had my moments of self-doubt, I just concentrated on trying to get some work done instead of indulging in a rant feast about the throbbing pain in my head and the dry feeling in my throat that's urging me to get something sweet and savory to nibble on. 

There was a moment when I think it was either I fell asleep or I partly fainted, but whatever. 

Good thing no one was looking. 

And yes, that's the thing. I gotta do it even if no one's looking. I have to master my thoughts and only keep up with the pace of my heart and no one else's. 

One day at a time. It'll be a lifestyle I'll be living, one day at a time. 

Like a BOSS

Before anything else, I think a little introduction is just appropriate.

I'm female, 22 years old, and diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome. 

Now let's break that all down.

I'm female -with no legit boyfriend since birth. If you're thinking it, NO, I'm not a lesbian. And if you're thinking it again, NO, I'm not being defensive. I just wasn’t given enough opportunities, and maybe when I was, I didn’t choose the right ones.

I'm 22 years old -not too young, not too old. I think I'm in a frustrating stage in my life where I feel like I need to keep up with everyone else due to the fear of being left behind... when I know for a fact that I'm living a life  that's very different from others, and I have goals that are as different. See, I know all this it's just that when I'm faced with a challenge, I tend to forget.

Yes, I am female, 22 years old, and faced with a challenge.

Not a problem, but a challenge.

I am diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome -the disorder won't kill me (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polycystic_ovary_syndrome) but it's a disorder nonetheless and as the obsessive compulsive person that I am, I refuse to lose the order in my life because of this.

And that is why now I would like to share with you the reason I have for creating this blog.

I need to be able to commit myself to doing something everyday, for the next 90 days. 3 months.I'm not only committing myself to writing in this blog everyday, but the more vital commitment I'm talking about here is THE BIG CHALLENGE I have been given which I have to overcome with flying colors after 3 months.

The Big Challenge? To lose 30 lbs. in 3 months. Still without the assurance that my ovary disorder will be fine by the end of it all, but at least the possibility of it being so would be much, much higher.

30 lbs? 3 months? WHY SHOULD THIS BE SUCH A BIG DEAL, right? I mean, if you watch The Biggest Loser, those people can lose 10 lbs. in a week! So making a big deal out of this thing is all my decision, blowing it up is all my idea. Because this challenge is big enough for me. This challenge can change my life, and by overcoming it I can have the chance to actually give life.

Having polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a common disorder women get which can cause a lot of irregularity when it comes to one's menstrual cycles, and it can be a great cause for infertility. 

Let me reiterate -it can be a great cause for infertility.

DUDE. When I found about all this, that's when I realized I do want to be able to bear a child some day. I want THAT kind of purpose for living my life right, and I want THAT kind of purpose to justify my decisions. I want to have a child of my own, someone to take care of, someone I can teach all the lessons about life that I have learned so that he or she can live a greater life, and become a greater person than I could ever be. I want that kind of challenge when I’m ready.

But before ALL THAT, I need to lose 30 lbs. in 3 months. That’s the small term goal I have got to focus on right now.

I have never been THIS personally challenged with THIS much threat ever in my whole 22 years of existence. Because the authority to initiate the change will be coming from me. Because I and I alone can have the ability to dictate the end result that I choose to have. I am at risk, and I am in control –and I think that’s what scares me the most.

I’m scared of losing control. I’m scared of giving in to temptation and losing all that I have worked hard for. I’m scared of wasting the time that I have been given, and I’m scared that I may not be able to achieve my goal.

But in spite of the fact that a part of me is scared, I know that the other part of me will grow to be stronger than ever. Because I choose to believe that I’m meant to be a better person. I’m meant for greater things, and my God will be my source of strength when I feel myself losing control. My Big God will help me overcome this Big Challenge. Because he's put me in a right place to be able to do this, and he's given me the right people to get me through it. Even just for all that, I'm already feeling like a winner. 

A very dear friend once told me that doing something right, doing something that is good is always most difficult to begin with.

I’m about to begin doing something good for myself. 

So read, watch and learn.

Let us begin.